What is an Indian?

Saturday, July 30, 2011

Have you ever wondered what an “Indian” is?  Okay, maybe this is not a top priority or everyday occurrence for you… but “Indian” could mean several things.  Have you ever thought about that?

“Indian” could mean a person from the country of India.

“Indian” could mean a Native American.

Or “Indian” could mean a type/brand of motorcycle.

Well here is a true story about an “Indian.”  (Names have been removed to protect the participants of this story!) 🙂

Our story begins as our relative just bought a used Indian brand motorcycle.  He is taking it out for his first cruise.  As he is riding down a four lane road a loud “pop” occurs.  He realizes his front tire blew and now the motorcycle is shaking and he is doing all he can to hold it straight and upright.  Cars next to him and behind him slow down so they do not run over him in the event he loses control and crashes.  He is able to get the motorcycle under control and pull off to the side of the road.

(Now the story is going to get good!)

Our relative gets off his motorcycle to inspect the front tire.  He realizes he is not going to be able to get home without some help.  So he calls his roadside assistance to get help.  As has become the norm recently the person he talks to on the other end of the phone call is a lady from India.  This is the conversation:

Lady Rep from India: (Insert your own accent here) Hello, how may I help you?

Our Relative: Hi, I need help as my motorcycle just got a flat tire and I can’t ride it home.

Lady Rep from India: Do you need the police to come out and help?

Our Relative: No ma’am.  I pulled off to the side of the road.  I just need a wrecker or something to get my motorcycle home.

Lady Rep from India: Did you install the spare tire?

Our Relative: No ma’am.  I am riding a motorcycle.

Lady Rep from India: So your vehicle doesn’t have a spare tire, huh?  Your vehicle should have a spare tire.

Our Relative: Ma’am, I said I was riding a motorcycle.  Motorcycles don’t have a spare tire and I don’t have one in my back pocket.

Lady Rep from India: Oh yeah, you did mention you had a motorcycle didn’t you? They don’t have spare tires do they? (Now she laughs)

Our Relative: No they do not ma’am.

Lady Rep from India: What kind of a motorcycle do you have?

Our Relative: Indian.

Lady Rep from India: Why yes I am!  How did you know?

Our Relative: (He laughs) No ma’am.  I meant my motorcycle is an Indian.

Lady Rep from India: They make Indian motorcycles?  I didn’t know our country made Indian motorcycles.

Our Relative: (He laughs more) No this is a motorcycle with the brand name being “Indian.”

Lady Rep from India: (She laughs) Oh?!?!?!  Where did you say you broke down again?

Our Relative: On the road ma’am.

Lady Rep from India: Oh!  I should send the police out to help you and direct traffic.

Our Relative: Ma’am, I said I pulled off to the side of the road.  I do not need the cops.  I only need to get my motorcycle home.

Lady Rep from India: Oh yeah you did tell me that! (She laughs some more)  Sir, help is on its way!

Now when you hear the word “Indian” you may have to stop and think what it really means.  Maybe you will get a good laugh and remember this true story.

Until next time…

“Help straighten out this messed up world… don’t add to the mess!” 🙂

 

A Wedding According to My Kid

Friday, July 15, 2011

Have you ever wondered how our kids imagine marriage/weddings should be?  Let me tell you it is a lot different than us adults imagine it.  Kids do not believe in a fancy wedding or honeymoon.  Nope… their weddings and honeymoons are simple and funny.  So let me tell you about my kid’s thinking on the type of wedding and honeymoon he wants.  This is a true story!

My son was in school on Friday and a magician came in to entertain the kids.  How fortunate we were that the magician chose our eight year old son to come up in front of everyone.  The magician then proceeded to ask our son some questions.  How they got on the topic of marriage/weddings I do not know???

Magician: “Are you married?” (Remember our son is only eight)

Our Son: “Nope”

Magician: “Do you want to get married?”

Our Son: “When I get older”

Magician: “Are you going to have a big fancy wedding?”

Our Son: “Nope”

Magician: “Where are you going to have your wedding?”

Our Son: “Publix” (Now remind you this is a grocery store!?!?) (Now everyone is laughing)

Magician: “Why at Publix?”

Our Son: “Well they have all the food and cake there” (More laughter erupts) (At least the wedding will be cheap!)

Magician: “How are you going to go on your honeymoon?  In a limo?”

Our Son: “Nope… a shopping cart!!!” (Now that is funny!)

As I said, where do these kids think of these things and why?  Too funny!

It is a messed up world… but our kids keep it funny!

Until next time…

“Do Your Part to Straighten Out this Messed Up World… Don’t Add to it! 🙂

 

Attention Humans

Doggy Log – Thursday, June 30, 2011 – 12:38pm

Package dropped but not on target (potty tray).

That package I am referring to is a nice fresh doggy do-do.  Yup you guessed it the stupid humans have not been home for several hours.  It must be Thursday.  My bladder and colon were full and the package had to be delivered from the oven.  Look you humans try holding your pee and fecus for several hours!  Yeah that is what I thought… you can’t and won’t.  So do you think us dogs can hold our frickin’ waste for hours on end?

Doggy Log – Thursday, June 30, 2011 – 4:27pm

Holy Mercy!  These stupid humans still have not returned.  Package two delivered.  Still not on target.  Boy do these dumb humans have a present for them when they get home.  I’m glad I don’t have to clean up my mess.  I have these humans trained so well.

Doggy Log – Thursday, June 30, 2011 – 6:30pm

The smell is unbearable.  But I’m a dog so what do I know.  I go around sniffing butts for a living.  Where are these human slackers?  Don’t they care about me?  I mean look at me…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m so sweet and innocent looking.

Doggy Log – Thursday, June 30, 2011 – 6:47pm

Not so bright humans finally arrive home! Hold on I have to get my game face on (ears dropped, tail down, sad eyes and innocent look in place – gets these stupid humans every time).  Here they come!

Now why do these humans think us dogs are so dumb.  We are very intelligent beings.  Yes I am smart.  I know when it is Thursday.  I leave a nice do-do mess in my cage every Thursday for these so called animal lovers.  The rest of the time my cage is almost spotless.  But Thursdays… you better watch out and bring your gas mask ’cause you are in for a treat.  See if these stupid humans leave me alone this long every Thursday.

Yeah that’s right… who’s bad?  Not me.  I am one smart cookie.  See if these pooper scoopers ever leave me alone again.  I’ll show them.

Until next Thursday…

The Dog